Political Jokes

Political Jokes

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the Devil. You're on my list but I have no room for you, but YOU DEFINITELY have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves, but your choice will be final."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The Devil opened the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. He kept resurfacing over and over and over, gasping for air. Such was his fate in hell. "No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time, and more rocks appeared. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be In constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said... "Monica, you're free to go!"

San Jose Costa Rica Airport Hotel

I just wanted to write a quick post about the hotel summer and I stayed at when we were leaving Costa Rica out of San Jose this past winter. It was a great place, next to the airport and all of the Rental Car drop off locations. They were very nice and the place was extremely clean with Free Internet Access downstairs, complimentary breakfast and was VERY safe.

The name of the place is Berlor Hotel Airport.
Phone(506) 431-4414
Fax (506) 431-4413
email: info@berlorairporthotel.com

Check them out...it is a great, clean inexpensive place to stay when traveling in and out of San Jose Costa Rica. Enjoy your trip!!!!

Evangelizing Children

Ah Christ, here you go evangalizing children again...

Somehow, while at work today, i was sent yet another You Tube video that I couldn't resist watching. This one however, is about evangelizing children, worshipping George W Bush and getting ready for war by comparing our faith in America to the faith of Christians and Muslims in other regions of the world. The people in this video brainwashing the children are as sick as the parents of the kids that dropped them off at "bible camp"...this sort of blatant disregard for a child's well being is equally as damaging to children as psychological abuse and pornagraphy.



Are you kidding me? These kids never stood a chance...just like the Nazi youth...these sadistics jesus freaks are giving young children the chance to be a part of a gang or a group. Of course these kids are going to jump all over it. These bible thumping camp teachers are banking on the fact that since these children never have had the chance in life to think for themselves they won't ever make their own decisions and therefore they will follow religion respectively. These fucking dimented adults are pushing their faith on Americas Youth before they even have a chance to think for themself. Jackals.


They should give this t-shirt out to all of the parents that drop their kids off at this "pre-concentration camp" for Jesus freaks. Assholes.

Funny as Balls - No, really

So I was looking around you tube and found this skit, which is funny as balls, no really, funny as balls!



I'll take two!

Net Neutrality

Sen Ted Kennedy sends out a video through YouTube.com showing his support for Net Neutrality. Just like you and I, he doesn't want big business coming in and controling the Internet just to make it a cash cow for themselves out of something we created. Check it out:

Net Neutrality Needs our Support!

If you want to see the Ninja put a comical spin on Net Neutrality, check it out over here. Although this is a serious topic, i think the Ninja brings it down to everyone's level.

Web Check IN US Airways

Well, i just did it. I work online all the time and you might think I would have done it before, but alas.....I did not. I just used Web Check in to check in to my flight leaving philadelphia this afternoon. It was quite simple...I entered my first and last name, entered my US Air frequent flyer number and presto! The only one thing to look out for, you just need to make sure you have a printer that works as you need to PRINT your boarding pass at the time of check in. Luckily, I was prepared and am staring at my boarding pass as we speak.

K, summer, I am on my way home :-)

Airport Security Restrictions

I am posting this here for anyone traveling within the USA. There is so much media revolving around airport security that I found it a bit difficult to find what I can and can't bring on the plane as carry on luggage.

As of today, you are alound to bring cell phones, laptops and electronic devices on board planes as carry on items.

Prohibited Items to bring on as carry on:
Remember, liquids, gels and aerosols are prohibited. Please leave those items at home or pack them in your checked baggage.

Makeup and Personal Items
Aerosol spray bottles and cans
All creams and lotions including Neosporin or first-aid creams and ointments, topical or rash creams and ointments, suntan lotions, moisturizers, etc.
Bug and mosquito sprays and repellents
Eye drops (See exceptions below)
Deodorants made of gel or aerosol
Hair styling gels and spray of all kinds including aerosol
Hair straightener or detangler
Lip gels such as Carmex or Blistex
Liquid lip glosses or other liquids for lips
Liquid bubble bath including gel or liquid filled bubble bath balls or bath oils or moisturizers
Liquid foundations
Liquid, gel or spray perfumes or colognes
Liquid sanitizers
Liquid soaps
Liquid mascara
Make up removers or facial cleansers
Non-prescription liquid or gel medicines like cough syrup and gel cap type pillsMouthwash
Nail polish and removers
Saline solution
Shampoos and conditioners
Toothpaste

Food and Drinks
All beverages
Cheese in pressurized containers
Duty free alcohol and other items
Gel based sports supplements
Jellos
Pudding
Whipped cream
Yogurt or gel like food substances

Other Items (why would you travel with gel candles?)
Gel-type candles
Gel shoe inserts (See exceptions below)
Ligh1ters (Read our section on lighters and matches)

There are exceptions!
Eye drops - You are allowed to carry up to 4 oz., of eye drops with you. Volumes greater than 4 oz., are only permitted in your checked baggage.

Gel Shoe Inserts* - Gel shoe inserts are not permitted, but shoes constructed with gel heels are allowed and must be removed and screened.
Prescription and non-prescription medications and other medical needs

Saline solution - You are allowed to carry up to 4 oz., of eye drops with you. Volumes greater than 4 oz., are only permitted in your checked baggage.

Baby formula and food, breast milk and other baby items.

So there you have it. I posted this on September 7 2006 and all of the information is from the Transportation and Security Administration.

Disney World Vacations

If you grew up in America on the East Coast, you grew up dreaming of the day your parents would load you up into the family station wagon and start the pilgrimage to Disney World in Orlando Florida. I distinctively remember the 24 hour drive from Vermont down I-95 to MY shangra la! Fast food, South of the Boarder billboards serving up the friendly reminder that you are only 300 miles from Florida and the natious feeling that went hand in hand, for me, of sitting in the way back of the family station wagon facing the opposite direction that the car was moving in.

Now that I am older, and perhaps a bit more cynical, Disney World really seems like a good racket to me. Millions of visitors annually, $67.00 minimum entrance fees, there own little piece of America carved out in the middle of Florida where they are able to do what they like, a loyal youth following (ask the Roman Catholic Church and/or Hitler or why it is a good idea to capture the imagination of the youth)and now...the ability to fingerprint everyone upon entry.

That is right, Disney World which claims to be one of the happiest places on earth, now scans the fingerprint of every guest that enters the park. Disney is claiming to purge all of the personal information associated with the fingerprint scans every 30 days. This in itself is worrisome to me, all it takes is the government requesting fingerprint information for them and "poof", there goes autonomy.

The government requesting data from Disney isn't that far fetched! After the September 11th attacks, the government sought out Disney for advice on security and biometrics! Disney has been using these tools to identify and recognize individuals based on unique facial and body characteristics. This technology has been implemented in plan to help develop a plan for "Passenger Protection and Identity Verification" at airports.

Perhaps I am getting a bit cynical here, but, is it not crazy how these technologies are taking away many of our freedoms that we take for granted? Come on, I know that technology has improved our society in so many ways, but, we need to keep the ACLU and other civil rights watch dogs empowered to stop us from loosing ALL AUTONOMY AND FREEDOM.

UFC - Ultimate Fighting Salaries

I read in the news today that the Ultimate Fighting Championship president, Dana White, was defending the UFC's pay structure to the press. So I thought, these fighters get paid well,...i mean come on, lets look at the big picture; There is a TV show, The Ultimate Fighter, the fights and re-runs are plastered all over Spike TV and the pay-per-view events draw tens of millions home viewers, all of the events at the Mandalay Bay are sold out, drawing over $3 million dollars in sales alone!



So, with all that said, we can take it one step further. Chuck Liddell has become a house hold name as a bad ass street fighter in mixed martial arts fighting. Sobral isn't as well known, but that fight drew over ten thousand (10,000) people to the events center in Las Vegas with 18 fights on the card. Okay, so I read on, and found out that there was a total of $407,000 paid total! with $207,000 of it deservedly going to Chuck Liddell. Okay, I am going to do the math.

$407k minus $207k equals: $200k to be split up
$207k divided by 17 fighters equals: $12,118 per fighter if it were split evenly.
Are you kidding me? It was speculated that the Hughes vs. Gracie fight generated at least $23.97 million dollars!

Dana White is quoted as saying "Everybody's happy...they feel like they are a part of a very happy family."

This makes me laugh out loud...a great example of strong talented fighters that could kick almost anyone’s ass in the world (certainly mine) and an intelligent business man exploiting them for all it is worth. Isn't there a fighters union? Fuck, unions were created to stop corporate America from walking all over the little man, someone should get one going for these fighters...talented, hard working and under represented.

Pro Wrestler Attacked

This only shows what kind of idiots resides on this earth. How this family turned something so positive into something so negative is out of cognitive reach for me. And to make it worse, these proud parents are teaching our youth to do the same. George Bush wants to outlaw abortion, why not go one step further and require everyone to obtain a “baby license. I think I support Darwinism. I know I don’t support Bush. At any rate…

A 9 year old leukemia patient in Phoenix Arizona was paid a special treat when he was visited by the 44 year old professional wrestler, Randy “The Macho Man” Savage. Unfortunately for this innocent youth, he is a product of his parents’ idiotic genes.



Apparently, The Macho Man showed up at this kids hospital room wearing dark sunglasses, matching black leather hat and vest shouting “Hey there little dude, I'm here to make you feel gooooood!"

Apparently the kid had enough excitement after the first 30 minutes of the visit and instead of the Doctors or parents thanking The Macho Man for his time, his commitment to Americas Youth and his courageous effort to help a child with Cancer, they (doctors & parents) let him stay for hours and then complained about it to the press.

The ungrateful parents were quoted as saying "Tyler's still worn out from his biopsy, and this man will jump right in his face and scream, 'Snap into remission!'" the mother said. "When will my son have some peace?" They apparently claimed that although the kid was showing signs of improvement, the extended visit from Randy Savage was very stressful to the boys already weak immune system.

Randy was quoted as saying "I do what I can to pump the kids up … I'm still on their team even though they can't tag me in for this fight."

Poor Macho man…the doctors should have warned him about not touching the kid and the doctors should have limited the visit to 30 minutes if the kid is that weak. Its not that I am on the Savages side on this one (cause I always rooted for Hulk Hogan and I was alway The Ultimate Warrior when I played the WWF Arcade Game), but this family is ungrateful. Why not file a malpractice suit against the doctors for not chaperoning the Macho Man and telling him not to touch the kid or do back flips off of the EKG machine?

These ungrateful fucks that don't want to be accountable for their actions reminds me of the Lottery Winners that blame the system for becoming bankrupt alcoholics. Ignorance is fucking bliss.

The Best Birthday Blog

Its shawns birthday. He has a huge following of friends and "co-workers" that read his blog daily. He posted a blog requesting that no one buy him presents or send him cards, just post a comment wishing him a Happy Birthday! After my embarrasing attempts at posting a simple link to a Happy Birthday Tattoo on a models butt that I worked on for way too long, I thought it would be fun to vote for the best "Happy Birthday Comment."

Which comment do you think is the best. My vote, so far, goes to http://shawn.youaremighty.com...which one do you vote for?